I consider myself to be a person of average intellegence. I am by no means an idiot, but I was not a straight A student either. Since I can remember (haha, get it?!) though, I have been so damn forgetful that it will sometimes amaze me. I can remember my Dad sending me to the store to grab milk and bread. I come home with just the bread, or vice versa. I do things like this on a daily basis. Which leads me into todays main topic.
I have been using my armoire for about 6 years now. My underwear is in the top drawer, my socks in the second, and my tee shirts in the bottom. Everytime I go to get socks, I pull open the top drawer. Everytime I go to get underwear, I pull open the second drawer. WHY!? Its a 50/50 shot and I pick the wrong one every single time. A minimum of 2,190 days, or 52,560 hours, or 3,153,600 minutes, or 189,216,000 seconds of owning and using this piece of furniture, and I STILL dont know where my clothes are.
I question myself each and every time.
This has been something, that I personally believe, needs to be put on a memo and sent out to every person on the planet. It would go as follows:
To all humans, when walking down an aisle, in any situation, follow the same rules that apply to driving your car. Stay in the right lane, except to pass. Stop at all 4 way intersections and wait your turn. Please abide by these rules effective 1/1/11.
Now, that being said, the most important part was left off, but needs to be mentioned. If you were driving your car down the road and another car is coming directly at you, wouldnt you move? Wouldnt you think, OH, Im in the wrong lane?? Amazingly, some people do not understand this. Just today, Im walking for lunch, in the right lane, abiding by all traffic laws, when a man walks right towards me. He had no intention of getting in his own lane. So, I stopped, stepped aside, and watched as he paid no attention to me and continued going in the wrong lane forcing others to move from his path.
Just another thing that simply blows my mind.
They not only aggravate me to death, but they also confuse me. Now being a server at one point in my life, I am allowed to make this observation, and have an opinion on it. Sort of like voting for politicians, if you dont vote, you cant complain. I can complain.
Sitting at lunch with 3 other dudes, our server greets us. Mind you, this is a 21-24 year old kid, who is greeting 4 guys out of college. The kid starts with the typical, restaurant taught BS intro, “HI, Im a douchebag, Ill be taking care of you guys this MORNING (its 12:30) can I start you with a Coke product or a sweet tea?”
From that point on, I sit there questioning this kids entire life. Does he have ANY friends? Is this his very first job? Is he still in high school? How many ass kickins a day does he take? He will never get laid, EVER. He probably doesnt have a car. His Mom lays out his clothes for him. His Dad is so disappointed that his “son” acts the way he does. Unfortunately, these are the questions that run through my head. Thank god, when I asked my peers, they agreed.
I want to stop the kid. Give him some pointers, not only for serving, but life in general. I feel like I could help him greatly. Maybe not, but maybe. If anything, just tell him, “listen man, when greeting a bunch of cool ass dudes like you are looking at right now, just try this. Hey, Im, by the way, what was your name again? Jack, ok, Im Jack, what are you guys drinkin?” That sounds so much better to me, and realistic. Come on dude, get with it.